Valentine’s Day, 2019
It is the end of January and we have said good bye to the warmth and goodwill of the holiday season. Most of our neighbours have taken down their lights, and decorations and a sadness enters our hearts as we begin to understand that the benevolence of the season has passed. We sink into the inevitable acceptance that not only is the holiday season over, but we are now faced with the bleak, grey coldness of winter with nothing to warm our hearts and souls for weeks to come.
For some, there is light at the end of the tunnel as Valentine’s Day arrives with the promise of new love, renewed love, or plain and simple bad love! It’s an exciting time for those who did not receive the rings they thought they would during Christmas and New Year, and a disappointing time for who currently have no one in their lives. But there is always the idea that on February 14th, a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers will be sent to you (preferably from anonymously), warming our hearts once again.
It is with these thoughts in mind; I turned to neighbours, colleagues, and friends and asked what Valentine’s Day means to them. Some answers did not surprise me, “Bah Humbug,” “eff off!” “Too commercial,” “Not unique,” “Lacking in meaning,” “Pretty low key after 40 years.” They are right; after all, as soon as Christmas decorations are down at retailers, the Valentine’s displays go up. How is that personal?
I received a variety of responses but several stood out, one neighbour reflected on their wife with deep love and affection. “… I was typically at work for most Valentine’s Days, now that I’m retired; I think every day should be Valentine’s Day.” My neighbour continued, “It changes as you get older, we get complacent. We should go out and celebrate.” It is clear he is married to the love of his life, and cherishes her tremendously.
Another neighbour, reflecting on her former marriage said this, “… One year I received a mink coat [from my husband.] I wonder what his girlfriend received.” While I laughed at this comment initially, later as I thought about her comment as it seemed to fit so many theories of dispute resolution, for example, the need to blame (the husband and or the girlfriend?), the need to totally accept a situation (emotional, cognitive and behavioural), and simply put, try to move on. I am not entirely sure where she is on that spectrum and perhaps it is none of my business, but she did shed light on another facet of Valentine’s Day. I said to her later “if anything else pops up, just let me know.” Her response was perfect, “If something does pop up, it will be great Valentine’s Day!”
There were of course the other responses, “jewellery, dinner, handmade cards, make a fuss of me!” These are all wonderful ideas to make someone feel valued, appreciated and loved, which after all, isn’t that the point of the day?
Later I received emails from two friends who had initially commented, “Bah Humbug,” and “Eff off!” It seems that after some contemplation, they had redefined their interpretation of the day. One said, it was a day to tell their grandchildren how much they loved them and the other wrote that for the last 15 years she has given her adult son packages of Cinnamon Hearts on Valentine’s Day.
So maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t just about a date on the 14th, and making someone feel special one night a year, or choosing to buy flowers and chocolates because retailers are telling you to, maybe it is about loving anyone important in your life, so why restrict it? Make someone feel valued, appreciated, and loved, anytime, after all, there are another 364 days in the year to let your loved one know!
Helen Lightstone
The Mediation Lady